Hesh at Church

Hesh derives from Hessian: "a German mercenary or venal soldier.” 

"Hesh at church" derives from my wearing of camouflage print jacket and stained pants to a German gospel choir performance. My Oma warns that the church is frigid, and the camo jacket is the only warm jacket I packed. I thought I would get some strange looks, no one bats an eye. 

Lord knows I know next to nothing about religion. This, I must admit, is a shortcoming in my education. How can I claim to be "hesh at church" when I don't even know what type of church I'm sitting in. In a pew, I do some quick googling to discern the difference between Catholics and Protestants. 

 

I find this diagram (?), but it doesn't really clear anything up. 

The gospel choir performs mostly pop hits from the 60s, 70s, 80s, all in English. They throw in a Coldplay song for good measure (thank god!) The crowd, comprised of German townspeople, do not speak a lick of English. The music must be gibberish to them! Or maybe not? Everyone here loves Carole King and Abba! And GOD! I think? To my delight, they sing California Dreamin'. Here's a voice memo I took: 

Seeing that we are 5,794.82 miles from California, the temperature is 38℉, the skies are gray, and we are seated in a church - the song is fitting. Interestingly, the German choir singers alter a line of the song. The original line, as written by the Mamas & Papas, goes: "Went to a church / I stopped along the way / I got down on my knees / and began to pray." The German gospel version goes: "Went to a church / I stopped along the way / I got down on my knees / and pretend to pray." 

Hmm... Now if this choir is calling out phoney devotees or attempting to appeal to an edgier audience I'm not sure. Of the two categories, I am both phoney and soooo extremely edgy in my camo jacket (a phoney devotee of edginess). The furthest extent of my religious practice is my babyhood baptism. I cried the whole time. 

The name of this blog, Divine Dagger, is not religious. I promise. It's actually the name of a weapon in DragonQuest, a role player game! Just kidding. It's like the Breeders song Divine Hammer, but sharper and pointier. 

In the end, I don't have anything interesting to say about religion. I wish I did! 

Hope this suffices as a first blog post 

P.S I had a paragraph about old people smell but somehow it didn't save and now is lost forever. That's probably for the better.

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