Bathroom Portals

I happened across two excellent bathrooms. 

The only photos I took today were of these bathrooms. 

Two stand alone photos of two stand out bathrooms.

An excellent bathroom should meet some of these standards: 

> fairly clean, like clean enough I can move around freely without fearing the cheese touch

> original ambiance, I appreciate when a bathroom maintains an individual personality separate from the establishment it resides in 

> stocked w/ tp 

> mirror 

> toilet

> no line 

Even more ideally, a bathroom is a solo room, not a stall. 

For context, I encountered these bathrooms in substandard circumstances. I wasn't visiting them for use of the toilet. I just needed a couple minutes of recuperation and quiet time. They served me well.

Bathroom 1: I was standing around in a lobby(?) with a bunch of other people waiting for something (?) or someone (?). It was incredibly loud and hot and I was bored. So, I open an unmarked door and there I am. Face to face with a charming window and tiled walls. The air in there is noticeably cooler and less frantic than in the lobby. I stand for a couple minutes, looking at/out/into the window, wash my hand with cold water, do some stretches, and snap this pic:

I'm convinced this window is a portal. Where to? I don't know.

Then someone jiggles the door handle. My time there had come to an end.         

The next bathroom experience is incredibly serendipitous.

Bathroom 2: I take a little trip to the loo in an attempt to escape another hot, loud, boring situation. I swing open the door and am greeted with this huge photo of a baby named Luise and a stuffed animal mobile hanging from the ceiling. The lighting is incredibly warm and welcoming, it feels like entering a womb. I do some jumping jacks and hang my head upside down for a little. 

Suddenly, Wicked Game by Chris Isaak plays on the speakers. 

No, I don't wanna fall in love (this world is only gonna break your heart)

WHAT! This is CRAZY!  I think to myself. 

For context: The song follows me into the most mundane situations. 

In the airport, Chris Isaak's voice croons as I wait in the security line. 

The world was on fire and no one could save me but you

It plays on car radios, idling at traffic lights.

It's strange what desire will make foolish people do

In the waiting area of the pharmacy. 

What a wicked game you play, to make me feel this way

In a Berlin coffee shop. 

I never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you

And now, in some bathroom in a random restaurant in Germany.

(This world is only gonna break your heart)

 

Chris Isaak is haunting me. 

(He's not dead)

As Wicked Game plays in this bathroom, a huge portal to a seventh dimension opens. 

I dance a little jig in the seventh dimension. 

When the song ends I exit the bathroom. 

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P.S. My band also happens to do a cover of Wicked Game

Here's us playing it live: 

Would Bach approve of synths?

For an ideal experience listen to this while reading:

One of my favorite recordings of all time is Glenn Gould playing the Goldberg variations from Bach (the 1981 version!!!). Each variation on its own is utterly delightful; however, when listened to in its entirety the Variations are a whip smart demonstration of the piano’s dexterity, nuance, and beauty. My favorite section is the Aria and first variation. The Aria nearly brings me to tears every time I listen. One of my favorite aspects of the recording is that you can hear Gould singing along to the piano, his chair creaking with the crescendos. The Aria melts into Variation 1, which is undoubtedly a headbanger.

Gould's annotated score

Gould always sat on particular high back wood chair when playing piano. He hunches over the keys, nose nearly touching them. It's a strange look. His father sawed the chairs legs shorter to compliment the height of a piano. There is an entire paper dedicated to an analysis of the squeaks of the chair.

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I’m writing this on a train to Berlin while listening to the recording in question. It’s easy to imagine Bach in the passing pastoral landscape, composing for the trickling streams and cows in the field. It's easy to imagine Gould seated beside me in an old wood chair, humming along. 

I have this fantasy of getting a MicroKorg and playing some

of the variations on there. I’m curious if the tenderness of a variation like the Aria is transferable to an electronic instrument. Bach originally wrote the Goldberg variations for harpsichord, which Gould disregarded  Also, Variation 5 would be so fun to learn how to play and transpose onto a synth. I found a good eBay deal on a MicroKorg from Bulgaria... I'll keep you posted on my acquisition.

Here is an awesome version played on an modular synth: 

Someone has left a plea in the comments of that video:

'"Please don’t mix with good thing 

Or bad thing

That’s not God’s will

Please erase this one

Please God tell me so"'

Poetic.

Gould himself loved the Moog synthesizer and Wendy Carlos' Switched On Bach (an album recorded on a Moog synthesizer). I'm no music scholar, but I think Bach would have loved synthesizers as well. Why not?

P.S. If your classical music interest is piqued go give Grieg's Piano Concerto in A minor, Op. 16 - II. Adagio
a listen. The first time I heard this piece I was sitting on the couch with my Oma watching a live broadcast of the Munich Philharmonic. She hummed along the whole time, somehow knowing every note and it's intonation. It was supremely touching. It reminded me of Gould's humming. 

Here is a Berliner Philharmonic recording:

 

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Chain Mail

So, we have chain mail: a type of armor prominent in the Dark Ages, High Middle Ages, and Renaissance period. We also have chain mail: a type of spam message prevalent in the 20th and 21st century (which some may also call the dark ages). Everyone from samurais to scuba divers have donned chain mail. Everyone from pimply teens to grandmothers have encountered chain mail. Chain mail is world wide! Cross cultural! Intergenerational! Wow. 

     xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ok so, there are a couple claims to the title "first chain letter ever sent." The Egyptian Book of the Dead enticed readers to copy certain images and be rewarded with "benefit in heaven and earth." In the medieval period the Letter from Heaven promised good luck to all that republished the letter, and horrible plague that "consume both his children and cattle" if readers failed to share the letter.  

With the advent of email and texting, chain mail took on a new level of craziness. 

Chain mail became even more impenetrable! 

Here are some personal favorites: 

In middle school I definitely forwarded some text chains that threatened bloody mary in my bedroom at night. But, I didn't forward all of them. That, I believe, was my downfall. My failure to forward is the cause of my occasional sleep paralysis, where I see a weird figure in the corner of my room. There is no other explanation. 

Remember that Instagram hoax that threatened to delete your account if you didn't repost this: 

I fell victim to this post. I reposted. But, my account wasn't deleted. So, I win.

Also! Guess who else fell victim and reposted? Usher. Martha Stewart. Rob Lowe. Julia Roberts. Former US Secretary of Energy, Rick Perry (guy in charge of nuclear safety). Pink. Niall Horan. So, again, I win. 

This paper, claims that chain mail is a method of myth sharing and therefore is a “a Function and Form of Folklore”. The paper also notes  "an emergence of some metafolklore in the forms of 'counter-chain message' posts have come about to directly combat the widespread prevalence of chain messages." Chain mail against chain mail. Metafolklore.

Here's a chain mail archive 

Here's a chain mail archive (the armor)

Concerning the Halloween Costume

I have a dear friend who's DJ moniker is DJ Chain Mail. I pressed her to reveal the origin story of the name. It was a difficult interviewing process.

 (the following took place over text) 

[start of interview]

✰: I have a question

✰: Why did u pick DJ Chain Mail as ur DJ name 

DJCHAINMAIL: LOL 

DJCHAINMAIL: Ok basically 

DJCHAINMAIL: I was thinking of Halloween costumes a couple years ago and I was like oh chain Mail would be such a good couples costume where one person is chain Mail like armor-wear and the other is like chain Mail from email like if u don’t forward this ur cursed etc etc..

DJCHAINMAIL: Then I was like wait that’s just a good costume for one person. So that was my Halloween costume that year. Then I thought it would be a good dj name too.

✰: Omg, I'm gonna include that

[end of interview]

So there you have it, I fought hard, did good journalism, and found the answer. 

plz follow and repost <3

Concerning the scuba divers

Some scuba divers (the ones that want to pet sharks) wear chain mail suits. Knights of the sea! I'm not sure if the effort is worth the reward, but then again I've never pet a shark. Maybe it's super cool and awesome and worth putting on a whole suit of armor. Lmk if you can get me tapped into the shark/chain mail suit industry. Would like to find out.

Thanks for reading 

Forward this to 200 people or else you will break 200 bones and have bad luck for 200 years!

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Hesh at Church

Hesh derives from Hessian: "a German mercenary or venal soldier.” 

"Hesh at church" derives from my wearing of camouflage print jacket and stained pants to a German gospel choir performance. My Oma warns that the church is frigid, and the camo jacket is the only warm jacket I packed. I thought I would get some strange looks, no one bats an eye. 

Lord knows I know next to nothing about religion. This, I must admit, is a shortcoming in my education. How can I claim to be "hesh at church" when I don't even know what type of church I'm sitting in. In a pew, I do some quick googling to discern the difference between Catholics and Protestants. 

 

I find this diagram (?), but it doesn't really clear anything up. 

The gospel choir performs mostly pop hits from the 60s, 70s, 80s, all in English. They throw in a Coldplay song for good measure (thank god!) The crowd, comprised of German townspeople, do not speak a lick of English. The music must be gibberish to them! Or maybe not? Everyone here loves Carole King and Abba! And GOD! I think? To my delight, they sing California Dreamin'. Here's a voice memo I took: 

Seeing that we are 5,794.82 miles from California, the temperature is 38℉, the skies are gray, and we are seated in a church - the song is fitting. Interestingly, the German choir singers alter a line of the song. The original line, as written by the Mamas & Papas, goes: "Went to a church / I stopped along the way / I got down on my knees / and began to pray." The German gospel version goes: "Went to a church / I stopped along the way / I got down on my knees / and pretend to pray." 

Hmm... Now if this choir is calling out phoney devotees or attempting to appeal to an edgier audience I'm not sure. Of the two categories, I am both phoney and soooo extremely edgy in my camo jacket (a phoney devotee of edginess). The furthest extent of my religious practice is my babyhood baptism. I cried the whole time. 

The name of this blog, Divine Dagger, is not religious. I promise. It's actually the name of a weapon in DragonQuest, a role player game! Just kidding. It's like the Breeders song Divine Hammer, but sharper and pointier. 

In the end, I don't have anything interesting to say about religion. I wish I did! 

Hope this suffices as a first blog post 

P.S I had a paragraph about old people smell but somehow it didn't save and now is lost forever. That's probably for the better.

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